Friday, October 08, 2004

Cats in outer space

It all goes back to the pre-history of man, I think, that vision of attaining entry into space. Or conversely, obtaining exit from Earth. It's symbolic of our human need for adventure and our human need to feed our egos. No one wants to be left behind I think. But who will lead us in our foray out to other planets and eventually other solar systems?

I think it should be one of the most cautious of the earth's creatures: The housecat. The housecat is usually very quiet but seems to be the perfect observer. It is a master of stealth, a born hunter that is not easily bored. Those who have housecats know that they can sit on windowsills for hours on end, watching the outdoors, observing the movements of small mammals and birds. Housecats have outstanding night vision and prefer to be active during twilight and predawn hours, which of course are the perfect hours to observe the true behavior of subjects being observed. They can sleep deeply yet awaken in almost no time at all and be prepared to run away or to defend themselves. The housecat is more prone, of course, to avoiding conflict than it is to initiating it, though there are a few that do enjoy the occasional all-out brawl. These individuals can be identified by various scars, scabs, ripped and torn ears. Of course these housecats have spines which flex both ways which enables them to jump and leap over greater distances than a two-legged, stiff spined human.

The largest problem I see with the housecat being the ultimate space explorer is that they don't seem to like to wear helmets. However with great patience and a little bit of anesthesia I have found that they will wear their helmets for at least 2 minutes before squirming out of them. Perhaps if we were to coat the helmet with a fish oil solution we could increase that time period to one which would be more acceptable for exploration protocol. There is a slight problem with communication though, but that could be adjusted for by mounting a tiny camera either inside the helmet or directly to the cat's fur.

I believe that the housecat would have minimum impact upon the observed environment, provided that we send along a small box filled with clay pellets. The only other difficulty is the hair-ball debacle and despite numerous attempts by scientists, zoologists and homeowners have failed to resolve this most serious and disgusting of issues.

*disclaimer: No cats were harmed in the writing of this blog, though I did have to chase my cat around the condo several times before she would leave me alone.

6 comments:

timx said...

I think that the over-riding problem here is that the domestic cat is about the least intelligent of all the animals. So it wouldn't know what to do when it got there. Surely you can think of a better way to spend your nation's resources.

Edster said...

Tim, surely you know that the domestic cat, being purely a predatory creature in the wild, has more brain power than a creature that is purely herbivoral in nature. After all, how much thought is required to sneak up on a plant? Besides how can you say that they are not intelligent, they certainly have been smart enough to act as if they are domesticated enough for us to grant them interest into our homes, our barns and our hearts. What other animal, besides the dog, has done this in such a prolific way?

Of course you realize that Swift really wasn't condoning cannibalism, no matter how much of a "Modest Proposal" he made. Nor am I condoning cats in outer space. Just think of how much work it would be to alleviate the hairball phenomenon in the space capsule anyways.

timx said...

You can't rate a cat's intelligence based on it's ability to worm its way into human affections - that's just a survival instinct. After all an animal which is more intelligent than both the cat and the dog, can only find it's way to into the average home via the dinner plate - I refer of course to the pig. Now there is a good candidate for space travel!

Edster said...

I do agree that a pig is a much more intelligent animal than a cat. In fact some pigs have shown intelligence that is equivalent to that of a human child 3 years of age. But think of the additional weight in feed that would have to be transported.

We could also send over another omnivorous representative of earth: the bear. If we allow the capsule to become cold enough, we could trigger the hibernation response and an already fat bear will lose a bit of weight as each AU is traveled.

Edster said...

I do agree that a pig is a much more intelligent animal than a cat. In fact some pigs have shown intelligence that is equivalent to that of a human child 3 years of age. But think of the additional weight in feed that would have to be transported.

We could also send over another omnivorous representative of earth: the bear. If we allow the capsule to become cold enough, we could trigger the hibernation response and an already fat bear will lose a bit of weight as each AU is traveled.

Anonymous said...

I do agree that a pig is a much more intelligent animal than a cat. In fact some pigs have shown intelligence that is equivalent to that of a human child 3 years of age. But think of the additional weight in feed that would have to be transported.

We could also send over another omnivorous representative of earth: the bear. If we allow the capsule to become cold enough, we could trigger the hibernation response and an already fat bear will lose a bit of weight as each AU is traveled.