Saturday, February 17, 2018

I want to share this article...

https://www.airspacemag.com/military-aviation/world-war-i-pilot-ptsd-180967710/#pbX9gfQ1Sl8QDEUt.99

The Dark Side of Glory

An early glimpse of PTSD in the letters of World War I aces.


Read more at https://www.airspacemag.com/military-aviation/world-war-i-pilot-ptsd-180967710/#kBFDemasmMGYGQEY.99


The following is possibly the most true thing I've ever read, it's a man who is losing it, and he knows that he's losing his grip on himself...it's sad, it's poigniant and it's a glimpse into something that I hope none of us has to deal with:

“It’s only a question of time until we all get it. I’m all shot to pieces. I only hope I can stick it out. I don’t want to quit. My nerves are all gone, and I can’t stop. I’ve lived beyond my time already. It’s not the fear of death that’s done it. It’s this eternal flinching from it that’s doing it, and has made a coward out of me. Few men live to know what real fear is. It’s something that grows on you, day by day, that eats into your constitution and undermines your sanity. I have never been serious about anything in my life, and now I know that I’ll never be otherwise again. Here I am, twenty four years old. I look forty and feel ninety. I’ve lost all interest in life beyond the next patrol.”

Friday, February 09, 2018

Rest in Peace

In 2005 I received my Pharaoh Hound.  I named him Xerxes.  He was young, energetic and playful.  Smart does not begin to describe him. His intelligence was uncanny, his ability to outsmart other dogs was only matched by his ability to out run and out "agility" other dogs as well.

Well, that was almost 13 years ago.  Today I will be taking him to a veterinarian and watching him die.  This is possibly the hardest thing I will ever have to do.

Up until late December, this dog was healthy.  Then one day he suddenly started limping.  We went to the vet, got Xrays and got some pain meds and went about our normal routine.  The only indicator that he was in pain was the limping.  He never whined or showed pain...Even if I was massaging his back legs...never even a slight flinch.  Last night he spent the night screaming in pain, his hind legs were cold to the touch and he didn't even try to walk.

I wanted to take one more walk to the river with him.  One more time watching him get excited on a car ride.  One more of everything.  I'm going to miss him so much. 

Xerxes died at 11:10AM EST.  The house seems so empty.


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